Dead Swordfish

When I’m hanging out with my close guy friends my favorite thing to do is pick their brains on women and dating. My guy friend recently shared an interesting dating experience he had with a woman. He likes to call this “the deal breaker”.

If you have gotten to the date where sex may come into play, you need to be ready. That means give your girl a shave put on a sexy dress and ooze with sex appeal. If your not wanting to cave just yet then don't shave and leave your pants on!

So my friend and his date were doing the humpty hump however he was doing all the work. In his words, the whole time “she laid there like a dead swordfish”. Big no no ladies!! Sex is an equal activity where both counterparts should be putting in an equal effort. If your not that into him then why are you getting naked with him in the first place? If you have been waiting for this to happen then step it up a notch and rock his world!

Sex should be equally rewarding and both people should be breaking a sweat! After that night, he was like NEXT.

Is that my gum or your gum?

There are things that happen on a date that some people just can’t seem to forget. I myself have experienced situations where I was like “did that just really effin happen?”

For example it’s the end of the date and he’s ready to step up and lean in to give you that kiss you have been anticipating all night. Your lips lock and it tastes minty fresh. Your thinking yum he tastes good…until his gum ends up in your mouth all chewed up and disgusting!! Guys and girls if you can’t kiss someone without spitting your gum into their pie hole then ditch the gum! A kiss should be a nice memory not a time when your looking for the nearest garbage can.

Mr. Swiss

I must share a time when I had been asked to grab some lunch with a guy that had been pursuing me for quite some time. We were friends for now so I was like sure, where to? Apparently Swiss Chalet had been calling his name, so we each settled on a quarter chicken meal, don't forget the gravy.

The conversation was flowing and there was definitely some chemistry brewing. After I had managed to scoff down all my fries and gravy,we asked for the cheque that was something ridiculous like $25.75. I waited to see if he was going to pull out his credit card since he was the one that essentially wanted me..why should I be paying for this greasy lunch?

He opened his mouth with “you want to go dutch”? and then headed to the bathroom. Being a veteran in the hospitality industry I was mortified to ask the waitress to split the bill in two, even though I was probably never ever going to see this person again. I stepped up and payed the bill. When he returned he was very grateful… inside I was laughing.

After that day my friends and I referred to him as “Mr. Swiss”.